My Big Pig Trotter Girlfriend - Chapter 04
Chapter 04: Hair-raising
By the time Xie Yufei returned home, it was already half past eleven. She kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto the couch, staring blankly at her phone.
She didn’t want to work, didn’t want to check WeChat, didn’t want to watch dramas, didn’t want to move.
It had been a tumultuous day, and she felt overwhelmed, now stuck in a state of inertia.
Though outwardly still, her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts: How do I respond to the Secretary tomorrow? The promising young man he introduced ended up in the hospital because of me? What’s the deal with that Ling Yang’s eyes? Does his dad really own a pickled vegetable factory? How did he cultivate that peculiar bossy demeanor? How do I vent to Qi Qing? Will she go back to the forums with another “I have a friend” series?
“Ugh, so annoying!” Xie Yufei unconsciously started scratching her head again.
As humans ponder, the gods laugh. As Xie Yufei ponders, she starts scratching her head.
It was a bad habit she developed since childhood. Her hair was thick and naturally curly, so she’d scratch her head while working on math problems. Pulling out a few strands provided instant clarity for problem-solving.
She kept scratching until she plucked out a bald patch, only stopping when the hairdresser noticed during a haircut.
Her mom panicked, thinking her daughter had alopecia at such a young age.
She was nearly dragged to the dermatologist.
With her stubborn personality, Xie Yufei never admitted to the self-inflicted damage, even during blood tests. So, after a series of futile examinations, the doctor concluded it was likely stress-related and advised parents to help their child relax.
In truth, Xie Yufei didn’t face much academic pressure growing up. While others spent an hour on homework, she finished in fifteen minutes, and her grades remained in the top ten of her class effortlessly. She only dabbled in Olympiad math because she had spare time. Who knew it would lead to such a misunderstanding?
Her parents took it seriously and pulled her out of the Olympiad class to reduce stress. During that time, they were renovating their new house, so she spent her days at the construction site with her parents.
Watching her mom handle plumbing and electricity, explaining the dangers of electric leakage to workers, and seeing her dad mix paint and paint walls, she told Qi Qing that maybe her foundation for mechanical engineering was laid during that period.
Qi Qing frowned, “Then you should study architecture! At least civil engineering!”
Xie Yufei shook her head, “I can’t draw.”
Architecture requires sketching, something she struggled with. Mechanical engineering was better; no drawing required.
Later, she chose acoustics, which was even more fun. She could tinker with airplanes, cars, rockets, and ships—much more thrilling.
Back to the present, Xie Yufei’s head-scratching habit evolved, and she learned to divert, rotate, and limit her scratching, never causing bald spots again.
She made it through university, earned her Ph.D., and returned to academia for research. Then, suddenly, she noticed her hair thinning!
After turning twenty-five, her once thick hair gradually thinned, and her hairline receded. She had to stop, couldn’t scratch anymore!
In recent years, she’d been vigilant, even tying rubber bands around her hand. Whenever she caught herself scratching, she’d snap it, correcting the habit. But under stress, she relapsed.
Just like today.
Despite the numerous blind dates over the years, she thought she could handle them all with a smile. But today’s blind date went completely off the rails, like a discordant noise glaringly out of place, yet impossible to ignore.
Thinking about the aftermath of “sending the blind date to the hospital” filled her with dread. The Secretary, the Secretary’s wife, Ling Yang’s dad—suddenly, there were so many explanations needed for no reason. Why did she, just a plain research pepper, have to deal with such unbearable drama?
Yes, PowerPoint!
Work was the only solace.
To prevent herself from scratching her head bald again, Xie Yufei resolutely opened her computer at midnight and continued writing her technical briefing. With both hands occupied, she couldn’t scratch her head—what a perfect solution.
If it were Ling Yang, he would definitely say, “Why not occupy both hands and play games? Isn’t that enjoyable?”
But tonight, he couldn’t play games. After receiving injections, medication, and eye drops in the emergency room, he finally managed to stop his tears and see clearly. To maintain his bossy image, he insisted that his secretary would come to pick him up. He hailed a taxi at the hospital entrance to send Xie Yufei away. After she left, he slyly hailed another taxi to go home.
His nose still ran incessantly, and he used up most of the tissue provided by the driver on the way home.
The driver tried to comfort him, “Young man, illness and death are part of life! Don’t be too sad; you still have to live!”
Ling Yang wanted to retort, but his throat hurt too much. He continued to wipe his nose. The tissues were so rough; his nose was starting to get sore.
Ling Yang made his way home, still sobbing, startling Guan Pei when he opened the door.
“What’s wrong, Second Fool? Did Yao Zhenzhen beat you up?”
Not wanting to mention Yao Zhenzhen, Ling Yang suddenly remembered to check his phone. As expected, Xie Yufei hadn’t returned his call.
Ling Yang’s despair deepened. He collapsed onto the lazy couch with a loud thud, pulled a pillow over his face from the side, and refused to speak.
Guan Pei was puzzled and removed the pillow, “Were you robbed? But wait, your phone and wallet are here.”
Ling Yang shook his head, still looking forlorn, “I met my nemesis today. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.”
“Obviously, thinking about it would bring tears.” He felt the urge to blow his nose again.
He tried to get up to grab some tissue, but the lazy couch, like love, was easy to sink into but hard to get out of. It was too soft.
Ling Yang wriggled a few times on the couch, declaring it a failure. Guan Pei couldn’t stand it and tossed a tissue at him, saying, “Here.”
Ling Yang, with his nose stuffed, said, “Third Fool, you’re so understanding.”
Guan Pei frowned, “Wait, why are you still crying? Did you get assaulted? By a man or a woman?”
Ling Yang jumped up, caught off guard, but couldn’t get out of the couch. He shouted from within, “No! Don’t make assumptions! It’s an allergy! An allergy!”
“What kind of allergy?”
“Pepper spray… allergy.”
“Are you trying to assault someone? Do you, a catch like you, need to assault someone?”
Guan Pei’s face showed no alarm; his eyes even emitted a green light—the kind you see in fairy tales when the wolf hears about roasted lamb, or when a writer finds good material.
100% authentic, no deception.
Ling Yang panicked inwardly. Guan Pei, with his boundless imagination, would tarnish his reputation if he didn’t explain clearly.
So, despite the drowsiness brought on by allergy medicine, he persisted and told Guan Pei about the events of the day. From Yao Zhenzhen’s anger in the morning to his father’s call asking him to go on a blind date in the afternoon, to his spontaneous decision to imitate a TV drama boss to repulse Xie Yufei, Ling Yang struggled to maintain his bossy demeanor.
“You see, my plan was perfect. I just wanted to retaliate against her and make her hate me completely! She’d definitely look down on me then! I’d be left alone in peace!”
Guan Pei nearly spat out his water, “Didn’t you consider that the girl might dislike close physical contact? The beating you got was light!”
Ling Yang grabbed a tissue and blew his nose, “I… I thought about it. A few slaps wouldn’t hurt. Who knew she’d come at me with pepper spray!”
Ling Yang was deeply aggrieved, “I, a decent young man, got sprayed in the face with pepper spray! She probably thinks I did something terrible! What did I do wrong to deserve this torment?”
Guan Pei snorted and threw another pack of tissues at Ling Yang, “You never thought it through from the beginning. Do you know what a bossy roleplay entails? You insisted on pretending to be a boss; you brought this upon yourself.”
Guan Pei sat down, tore open a packet of potato chips, and began munching away while listing Ling Yang’s various mistakes.
“Firstly, your attire was all wrong. Bosses like Ling always wear black, white, or grey, with designer suits and limited edition watches. But you showed up in flashy clothes, with a diamond-studded belt. You looked like a peacock! You have zero connection with Ling; even Ling’s freeloaders look better.”
“Secondly, your job title. Ling is a boss, but you? Your dad may be a ‘Ling,’ but you’re nowhere near Ling’s level. A CEO is a CEO, but a sales director is just a director, especially at a subsidiary.”
Taking a sip of water, Guan Pei was about to mention the third point when he turned to see his brother, Second Fool, aka Ling Yang, already slumped on the couch, fast asleep, drool trailing three feet long from his mouth.
Guan Pei shook his head disdainfully, “With that behavior, pretending to be Ling Yang, only idiots would believe it.”
Leaving Ling Yang in the living room, Guan Pei slipped on his slippers and headed to bed.
Even though he was staying at someone else’s house, he had no intention of covering himself with a blanket. They were bunkmates, sharing the same bedcovers; there was no need to be fancy.
Back in high school, Ling Yang skipped classes every day to play games. Ling Da Zhuang, his father, was fed up with his carefree attitude. So, in the second semester of his freshman year, Ling Yang was sent to the strictest high school in the province.
Boarding there meant strict supervision, with wake-up calls at 6 am and lights out at 11 pm. If you didn’t get up, teachers would drag you out of bed.
It was there that Ling Yang met Guan Pei, his bunkmate.
Their dorm room housed six students, ranked from eldest to youngest, from First Fool to Sixth Fool.
After high school, as life’s divergent paths unfolded, the six fools went their separate ways. Over a decade later, Ling Yang remained closely connected only to Third Fool, Guan Pei.
First Fool and Fourth to Sixth Fools were all lost contact with, proving that once people changed environments, it was indeed challenging to return to the past.